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Browning

Robert Browning
1812-1889

 
"Fears and Scruples"

(1876)

 
Here's my case. Of old I used to love him
    This same unseen friend, before I knew:
Dream there was none like him, none above him, –
    Wake to hope and trust my dream was true.

Loved I not his letters full of beauty?
    Not his actions famous far and wide?
Absent, he would know I vowed him duty;
    Present, he would find me at his side.

Pleasant fancy! for I had but letters,
    Only knew of actions by hearsay:
He himself was busied with my betters;
    What of that? My turn must come some day.

`Some day' proving – no day! Here's the puzzle.
    Passed and passed my turn is. Why complain?
He's so busied! If I could but muzzle
    People's foolish mouths that give me pain!

`Letters?' (hear them!) `You a judge of writing?
    Ask the experts! – How they shake the head
O'er these characters, your friend's inditing –
    Call them forgery from A to Z!

`Actions? Where's your certain proof' (they bother)
    `He, of all you find so great and good,
He, he only, claims this, that, the other
    Action – claimed by men, a multitude?'

I can simply wish I might refute you,
    Wish my friend would, – by a word, a wink, –
Bid me stop that foolish mouth, – you brute you!
    He keeps absent, – why, I cannot think.

Never mind! Though foolishness may flout me,
    One thing's sure enough: 'tis neither frost,
No, nor fire, shall freeze or burn from out me
    Thanks for truth – though falsehood, gained – though lost.

All my days, I'll go the softlier, sadlier,
    For that dream's sake! How forget the thrill
Through and through me as I thought `The gladlier
    Lives my friend because I love him still!'

Ah, but there's a menace someone utters!
    `What and if your friend at home play tricks?
Peep at hide-and-seek behind the shutters?
   Mean your eyes should pierce through solid bricks?

`What and if he, frowning, wake you, dreamy?
    Lay on you the blame that bricks conceal?
Say "At least I saw who did not see me,
    Does see now, and presently shall feel"?'

`Why, that makes your friend a monster!' say you:
    `Had his house no window? At first nod,
Would you not have hailed him?' Hush, I pray you!
    What if this friend happen to be – God?

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